The Place of Sex In Marriage

A Christian marriage consists of two partners, both of whom are believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 6:14 is a divine command which say’s, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

 What is God’s view of marriage?  We have five basic points.

• Marriage is a divine institution created by God to stabilize and protect the human race.  It is designed as a part of His plan for mankind on planet earth.
  

• Marriage is, regardless of what the liberal, the hedonist, or the feminazis have to say, a stabilizer of the human race.  Under the principle of monogamy-- meaning one man and one woman-- it protects the marital partners from the mass confusion created by bigamy, polygamy, “partner swapping,” etc., and the resultant problems of sexually transmitted diseases, anarchy in the home and relationship, and mental and emotional misery.The Biblical principle of heterosexual monogamy in marriage has always been both a stabilizing factor for the nation-- any nation-- and a source of protection for the individual.

• Marriage is righteously dissolved only by death.  Forget the prevailing mentality of “Generation X”!  Divorce is not the answer and a change-- of partner, circumstances, lifestyle, etc.-- will not solve your problems!  It will do one thing however, either intensify the existing problems, or create an entirely new set of problems.

• Marriage is for a lifetime.  It is a lifelong bond and commitment that God expects to be honored with integrity.

• Marriage is not, and I repeat, not a problem solving device.  It is a problem manufacturing device.  The same principle applies in respect to children.  Having children will create problems in the marriage, not solve them.

The point here is that both of you need to think through these issues, and carefully consider one another’s opinions, desires and options before marriage, not after.  If you don’t, your marriage will suffer the consequences because of it.

No person is better or becomes better in marriage than he or she was before marriage.  Marriage does not and will not build character, or improve upon a person’s virtue and integrity.  Growth toward spiritual maturity in the plan of God is the only thing that will truly build character, virtue and integrity in the soul.

Marriage is two people bringing all their problems, pressures, habits-- good and bad-- mannerisms, character traits and idiosyncrasies into an intimate, lifelong relationship. A successful marriage requires a tremendous amount of spiritual love, and the capacity to deal with life and one another from divine viewpoint.  By ‘spiritual love’ I mean the type of love that only God / HS can produce in the life of a spiritual believer-- love that is unconditional and sacrificial in nature, love which has another person’s ultimate good always in mind.

Without a proper understanding of the Word of God, which explains why man is here to begin with, you’ll end up confused and disoriented to reality.  Constantly asking the questions-- “Why did this happen?  Why these problems?  Why all this unnecessary pressure?”  Or even, “God, why did you let me marry this person?”

A Christian marriage where both partners are not focused on Jesus Christ will never succeed in this day and age.

 Marriage legitimizes sexual relationship inside the Angelic Conflict. The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, “But because of [sexual] immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.  Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife [o)feilh/ (opheile)- responsibility, obligation; debt], and likewise also the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband {does}; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife {does.}  [now we have a command] Stop depriving one another [sexually], except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Just as the monogamous principle of marriage was established in the Garden, so was the sexual. Genesis 2:22-25 say’s, “And the LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.  And the man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man.’  For this cause [marriage as a divine institution] a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to [have sexual relations with] his wife; and they shall become one flesh [literally and figuratively].  And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Notice that while there were sexual relations between Adam and Ishah in the Garden, there was no procreation, i.e., no conception, no pregnancy and no childbearing.  Childbearing resulted from the curse God placed on the woman because of her original sin. 

 According to the Word of God both the man and woman have certain rights and responsibilities.

For the woman: She is commanded to respect and submit, not love.  Her respect is infinitely more important than her love. Ephesians 5:24 say’s, “But as the church is subject to Christ [that is, under his rule, authority, and protection], so also the wives {ought to be} to their husbands in everything;” and in v. 33 Paul say’s, “Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and {let} the wife {see to it} that she respect her husband.” A woman will never submit to a man she doesn’t respect. The authority of marriage is in favor of the man 100%.  He is the head of the marital body.  However, Jesus Christ is to be the head of the man. Understand that you are no longer two single people; instead, you will become man and wife-- the basis for the divine institution of family.

For the man: He is commanded to love his wife unconditionally and sacrificially. Paul established the precept in Ephesians 5:25 when he said, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”  He is to be the spiritual leader of the family.  It is his responsibility to lead the family by both word and deed, and to take the necessary steps to insure his family’s spiritual needs are met.  That means finding a local church where Bible Doctrine is being taught faithfully and accurately, and taking root there so that you can all grow together spiritually.

You don’t really know each other like you think you do!  In the marital relationship, the truth will eventually rear its ugly head. A relationship of this caliber always brings out both the best and the worst in everybody.

Some things to think about ahead of time: First and foremost, where are you going to attend Church and what denomination is the Church?  Is the primary focus of this ministry the teaching of the Word of God?  Are the two of you in agreement on these issues, and are you in agreement on the doctrines you believe and will those doctrines work when applied to the problems of marriage?  If they won’t, you’d better find another source for divine viewpoint, and fast!  When it comes to her spiritual life, this is the one area where the wife’s responsibility to God supersedes her responsibility to the authority of her husband.

Whether or not to buy or rent a home, apartment, condominium, trailer, etc. Are both partners going to work outside the home?  Does the husband want the wife to stay home, and does she want to stay home? Are you going to use birth control, and if so, what kind?  Better decide ahead of time. If you’re not going to use birth control, what are your ‘plans’ for an ‘unplanned pregnancy’?  Do you want children?  If so, how many do you want; and finally, can you physically support what you emotionally desire? 

These are very valid questions. Once you have children, what about their education-- public, private, or home-schooled. What about discipline, are you going to spank with a paddle, ground the child, whip him or her with a belt or a switch?  Both partners need to be in agreement on these measures, and the grandparents and / or sitters-- whoever they may be-- need to be clear on what your rules are at home, and that you expect those same rules to be applied in their homes.

Integrity is consistency, and consistency is the key with children. It is the responsibly of the parents-- not the Church, or the baby-sitter, or the little league coach-- to civilize the barbarian before he or she is sent out into society. Understand that family is the basis for an orderly society, a society that exists on the rule of law.  The family is the institution used by God to teach children humility.

When a child learns submission to authority at home, he or she can use that in every area of life.  That’s not a guarantee that he’ll use it, it’s just an inculcation of the standard.  But, at least now they know what is expected to survive and succeed in a free society-- orientation to authority. When a child does not learn submission to authority at home, he or she will take that into every area of life. That’s not just a mere possibility, it is a fact!  The child who never learns how to orient to authority, or who is maladjusted to authority, will grow up to be a maladjusted adult-- never satisfied with their career, never satisfied with their marriage, and never satisfied with the plan of God.  Why?  Because they cannot, or they will not, tolerate the system of authority under which these things function.  They refuse to submit to authority.

A "Christian marriage" where both partners are not focused on Jesus Christ and who are
not consistently, progressively, systematically studying Bible doctrine will never succeed
in this turbulent and chaotic days...


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